Monday, 13 June 2011
Thanks for telling me those girls are sluts and that karma is a bitch and it will
hit them some day. Thanks for telling me those boys are all dicks and that I deserve better.
Thanks for telling me I'm beautiful from the inside and out when I felt like shit. Thanks for never
leaving my side when I went wrong. Thanks for the nights of laughter and gossip.
Thanks for your shoulder to cry on when I had no where to go. Thanks for keeping
my secrets when they could have broken me. Thanks
for showing me what it means to be loved.
Each of us get a little bit stronger. Each of us represent a star in Heaven.
Sometimes we shine with the rest, sometimes we twinkle alone and
sometimes when we least expect it we make someone else's dreams come true.
The most import thing in life is to find yourself,
know yourself, and stand up for yourself.
I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of feeling empty inside.
I'm tired of feeling worthless. I'm tired of feeling stuck. I'm tired of feeling crazy.
I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of yelling. I'm tired of pretending. I'm tired of dreaming of a life
I will never have. I'm tired of missing things. I'm tired of missing people. I'm tired of remembering.
I'm tired of wishing I could start over. I'm tired of not being able to just let go.
I'm tired of always wondering when God is finally going to
let me be happy. Most of all, I'm tired of being tired.
People come into your life to show you what love is, to show you what
hatred is, to show you what respect is, but the most important
people are the people that come into your life and show you what love is.
I don't hate you because you left, I hate
you because you left and said you never would.
I automatically assume people won't like me, so I don't talk to them
unless they approach me first. I can't become a part of a
crowd because I can't get past the feeling that I don't belong.
One day I'll be stronger then you, one day I'll be happier
then you, one day I'll be smarter then you, one day you'll see me
as a threat because one day my bullshit will go away and I can just be me.
I've always avoided fights. I make jokes instead. I tell people what they
want to hear in order to avoid a confrontation. I pretend to want
things I don't want, and I pretend not to want things I do. No one gets hurt,
except me. The lines are so crossed and blurred at this point
that I don't know what I want. I just know I want it to be essay.
There is always going to be a "lie" in believe,
an "over" in lover, an "end" in friendship, and an "if" in life.
I can't say I'm proud of my life, but I can say I'm proud that I've learned. I've learned
that I can't rely on everyone, but I can't expect everyone to hurt me. I know
somethings don't work out, but I know everything that has has been for the better. I can't
guarantee I'll be able to walk around with a smile on my face but I know where
I've been. I'm not one to complain so I'll keep trying and in the end I'll know I did my best.
We are who we are no one made you that way. No one comes into your
body and changes the way you act. Sure they have an influence but
in the end, it's all up to you and how you want to live your life.
I'm a lover and a fighter. I get angry easily but i'm working on it. I party,
sleep and think too much, but I get my shit done. I have a weakness for sweet
talkers but I'm learning and enforcing my boundaries. I don't let many people in,
but once they're in they're there forever. I'm strong and
independent and I've been broken, but never shattered.
I thought you'd be my everything for life, but now you can't even look at me not because
we never loved each other, nor because of hatred but because
we've gone two completely different ways, down two paths that no longer meet.
Its okay to cry over someone that has left your life just like it's okay to cry
over someone that has left this earth because in both
cases you'll never feel the same
without their presence.
Bring me back to the days of laughter, bring me back to the days of sunshine,
bring me back to the days of joy, bring me back to the times of happiness,
bring me back to the times in life where nothing was
wrong and everything was right, just for a minute
would bring back a smile.
Thursday, 09 June 2011
Feel the kiss on your lips and his hands on your lips. Crop tops and
cut off shorts. Hair in the wind blowing everywhere. Knowing
it's a memory that will keep you awake on the cold winter nights.
Here's a toast, to the good days, the better friends, the ones that you can't live without.
The people that have taught you how to party, how to live, how to have a good time just
sitting around. Heres to the people that no matter how bad things seem, are going to be
there for you, to lean back on and catch you if you fall. Heres to our bestfriends in highschool.
Sometimes you'll find that the saddest songs bring out the most comfort. And
the memories that make you cry the most, are the happiest ones you'll ever have.
I really do try to put away my troubles but it's just to much sometimes,
and sometimes the only way to get the pain away is to scream and cry, and talk about it. To realize
how it happened and what to do in the future, but please don't keep all the
pain inside, girls it's just going to hurt even more everyday it is left by the side.
My life has its flaws, but it's the only one I got. I'm going to
hold my head high, look on the bright side, and smile even when
I want to cry; because I'm not letting anyone or anything bring me down.
You don't even know how much your presents effects my life, yeah i tell you my soul
but your more then just a listener, your the smile on my face. You bring out the best of me,
something that is hard to do, even for myself. You don't just help me with my problems
but you show me you care and support and love me. And well it's all I need right now.
Here's to the nights that turn in to mornings and the friends that turn into family.
I know I won't have you forever, because people don't live forever, so I'm
letting you go little by little so it won’t hurt as much when you’re really gone.
People change and things go wrong, just never forget who you are because
in the end all you have is yourself and if you don't have yourself, then what do you have?
Wanna know what highschool is like, it's where everything you do, good or bad is judged.
Let your past make you better, not bitter.
This is for every time you built me up just to make me cry. This is for all those things you
said that turned out to be a lie. This is for every day I spent alone and I couldn't get out of
bed. This is for every night I couldn't sleep because you were in my head. This is for every promise you
made and then later on you broke. This is for all the lies behind every word you spoke. This is for every
time you brought me down made me feel like dirt. This is for all the times I've kept my stupid
dreams. This is for all the signs I knew I should have seen. This is for missing you every
time I'm having fun. This is for loving you, despite everything you've done to me.
What can be said is not what is meant and what is meant is not what is said.
We do crazy shit, we keep secrets that could break us, we have stories that
could have killed us, we love like we've never been hurt, but most
of all we never leave each other, through thick in thin we go through it all.
Where I live, housewives don't act like that
And the survivors are farmers in John Deere hats
Our amazin' race is beatin' the check
Prayin' that the bank ain't ran it through yet.
Acting strong and being strong are two completely different things.
I said goodbye, have a goodnight, have a good day, have a great life.
Your in a better place, a place where you are suppose to be, your in a place
that may not be face to face with me but I know your always
looking down at me and being prod of the person I've become.
I miss you, I miss how we could talk about nothing forever, I miss our special days,
I miss the smile on your face, I miss the way you would tell me you loved me,
I miss a lot but the thing i miss the most about you is knowing you were
always there standing beside me, even when I was wrong.
If you what to know where your heart is, look where your mind wanders.
Thursday, 26 May 2011
There's something about you that I can't get out of my head,
and I won't wake up from telling myself you're coming around again.
You taught me many things, like how it feels to miss someone so
bad it feels like a part of you is missing. I can tell you
one thing, now that you have gone I never will forget you.
Maybe someday we'll meet again. When our two roads meet the same dead end.
I'm not a doorknob where everyone gets a turn, I'm
more like a casino where only the lucky one wins the jackpot.
Yeah that whole relationship thing, it sucks more then a slut does.
Wait for the right guy, but in the meantime, have fun with all the wrong guys.
Trust me I know how it feels. I know exactly how it feels to cry in the shower
so no one can hear you. Waiting for everyone to be asleep so you can fall asleep.
For everything to hurt so bad you just want it all to end. I know exactly how it feels.
Then I allow everything to fall apart, I realize who care and who doesn't.
How do you give yourself to someone.. allowing them to make or
break you, how? I know I couldn't, I've seen to many people been broken,
and they turn out weak, me i'm strong now, I will never
be weak, even if that means never giving myself to someone.
I have two best friends; thats it. every, single other person has lost
my trust in some way, shape, or form. I'm crazy, outgoing and imperfection
at it's finest. I tend to fall apart a lot, but I'll never let you see
me break down. Get to know me; I'm a handful, but definitely worth it.
For once I wanna be the girl that makes the player fall. I wanna be
the one that makes him change and give his all. Just once
I'd like to be the girl that gets the guy in the end, just once.
You're beautiful, you're wonderful, you're everything he needs,
you may not know who but there's someone, and never stop believing that.
I wounder if its okay to cry over you, cause we were never
anything special. I just thought we could be something spectacular.
It's weird , crazy actually, when I sit here and just picture my life a year
ago and then look at it now, so much has changed, so many people have left,
so many people have come in, and few have stayed. It's scary thinking about
how different things are. It's scarier thinking
about how much different things will be next year.
I have no idea what just happened. One moment you were just
another guy, then the next you were the guy that I fell hard for.
It takes two to make drama so yeah you fucked up stop trying to hide it.
Sure, there's plenty of fish in the sea, but there's also sharks, and toxic waste.
The thing that is really hard, and really amazing is giving up
on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.
All I want is one guy to prove they aren't all the same.
Wednesday, 18 May 2011
You don't have to hold it together every second of everyday.
It's okay to break down. It's okay to cry. You're not invincible, you're human.
The strong people are the people who don't let shit faze them, the people who breath for tomorrow,
the people who take a shot for the good memories not the bad, and those are
the people who make it through this crazy thing called life with a smile on there face.
The worst feeling in the world is, when you know you are about
to lose someone and there's nothing you can do to prevent being replaced.
Some days I wake up and wonder why I'm here. Other days I just smile and get ready
for whatever the wind blows my way. My personality changes a lot day
to day. Not really much point in getting used to the way I am, because
I'll probably be a completely different person by tomorrow.
I'm incredibly awkward and negative. I get attached easily, and I hold on for too long.
I don't like opening up to people. Most five year old children can express their feelings
better than me. I hide behind my fake smiles. I'm probably one of the most difficult people
you will ever meet, but I can be sweet. I'm a great listener. I'll guard your secrets with
my life. I will never judge you based on your mistakes, and I'll
love you as much as I can. I can be, if you let me, one of the best things in your life.
We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it.
Even though we're no longer together, I still care about you. Not in the same way of
course, but that's me, I won't just leave the one I once loved
out alone in the dark, no matter how much pain they've caused me.
I don't expect you to stay forever and I don't expect you to want me
forever. I just expect you to love me while you have me even if it's just for a day or even a year.
You can miss someone who died, you can miss someone who
moved away. But the worst is having to miss someone you see everyday.
The media tells you to be skinny, smart, popular, funny
and everything in-between but that just makes you a bitch.
Do you ever get that feeling where you dont want to talk to anybody?
You dont want to smile and you dont want to fake being happy. But at the same time
you don't know exactly what's wrong either. There isn't a way to explain it to soemone who doesnt
already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone.
People have stopping being conforting and being alone never was. At least when
your alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isn't anyone who wont take
"I dont know" for an answer, you feel the way you do just because. You hope the
feeling will pass soon and that you will be abe to be
yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait.
If you want to stand out, don't be different. Be out standing.
There's a hell in every hello, be careful. There's a good in every goodbye, be grateful.
We're young. We don't need a boy to love, hold and kiss. We won't always be able to
relax and be kids, but we'll always be able to love. So I'm gonna get out there and
live it up in this wold, leave my mark, make a difference, because in five years we
will want to rewind, but can't. So stop worrying about that boy, now is the time of our lives,
let's make mistakes and not care, and memories that will never fade.
Live it up and live it crazy. We are only young once, lets screw this up right.
A soilder fights not because he hates the man
in front of him, but beacuse he loves those behind him.
As we grow up some people pass us for a day or two. Some people stay for a
life time but they've all made you the person you are today, so love everyone
you come in contact with, because in the end they make up the person you are today.
What's high school? heres what it is, it's where nothing is ever
right but where all the best of the best memories are made, where bitches come out in shinning armer,
where true friends are made, it's the part in your life that you can't live without even through the thick
and the thin it makes you the strong or weak person you are today, so drink it down
and live it up, know your place, speak your mind, be who you
want to be cause no one cares who you truly are.
Letting someone in sometimes means abandoning the walls you've
spent your whole life building, which in my case is impossible, so fuck it I'll do me.
She's brave but no one sees, she hides behind the pain from yesterday. Just a moment
of silence brings back the reason for her not being able to put a real smile across her face.
When people leave her by the side it breaks her so much that she has to think
of him to bring back a little fake smile across her face, she won't let them catch her fall.
I want people to come into my life by accident, but stay on purpose.
It's not about how many people you know or the number of boyfriends you've had. It's
not about the competition, who has more friend or more plans on a Friday night. It's all
about who you associate yourself with, how they make you feel about yourself, and how they're able
to treat you right. It's all about you're ability to have fun; not about how many moments you have, but
how these moments make you realize life's beautify and excitement. It's not about settling and being
content when you could be out there searching for pure happiness. Of course,
I'm still living my life, but I'm sure I've reached
happiness, and I plan on staying there for a long, long time.
I promise that every time I fall I will gather myself up and
every little thing that was left broken with me. Every time I
fall it takes me longer to get back up but don't worry I won't give up.
Tuesday, 17 May 2011
This is to all the girls that get left behind, pushed, down, replaced,
and forgot. It always seems like there is someone leaving your life,
and using you, coming and going when they please, but don't look at those
people look at the friends and family that love you day to day, that smile when you
smile, cry when you cry and love you more then you know. There is always
someone there you just have to look beyond the two-faced girls, the
boys with no hearts and the family member that don't realize there mistakes.
Heres to the unspoken words, the tears cried, the broken promises,
and the lonely nights, yah I'll drink to the broken hearted.
It's like the end of the day, you know the sun's gonna set.
It's like rain, you know it's gonna be wet. It's like I'm locked
in a place where I don't wanna be. And in my hand, I hold a broken key.
We run back to each other when it's convenient. We know that in the end, we're
meant for each other but not for right now. So we play these games,
act like we're okay when one of us has someone else. When in reality
it tears us apart to know that we can be happy with some else.
but it's that slight hope that we will end up together
that always keeps us running back for more.
I've been messed with, let down, and played too many times.
I wounder what people think of me too much, and I'm way too judgmental.
My heart is big but I have my selfish moments. I love to be in big groups,
but I also love being alone. Every song on my iPod has a special memory
or a regret behind it. I don't like going through old pictures because
I miss what use to be. I tend to over think things and I trust way too many people.
I have the people I'd love to pack up and leave with, and there are some
people that I wish would disappear. I don't cry very often, but when I do I can't stop. I hate
liars, though I lie myself. I have secrets hidden in me that I don't even
know. I'm still finding things out about myself so don't be to quick to judge.
Me? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I saw, I'm scared of
what I did, and most of all I'm scared of letting someone in,
that could possible have the power to make or break me.
I've always been the nice girl, but this year I learned
that you have to go after what you want, world be ready.
It's the worst feeling in the world to love and hate someone all at the same time.
And its hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same.
It's crazy when you want to let go, but you're stuck right where you started. When
feelings come and go and you can't decide what you want. When you
have so many things to say, but you don't know where to start.
When you want them in your life so bad, but all you can do is push them farther
and farther away. It's so hard to think back on how things used to be and look at it
now and realize that things are different, and they many never be the
same again. You tell yourself it's not worth it, but if it really
didn't matter, you wouldn't spend so much time thinking about it.
Fearless isn't when you have no fears but when you aren't scared to face your fears.
I never wanted to be your whole life just your favorite part.
I know you don' think of me, and you certainly would never picture us together, but
probably peanut butter was just peanut butter before someone ever thought
of pairing it up with jelly. And there was salt, but it started to taste better when
there was pepper. And what's the point of butter without bread?
Anyway, by myself i'm nothing special, but with you, I think i could be something spectacular.
Once upon a time, you and I were best friends. And that means that
whenever you need me, I'm here. Any time, anywhere, any place. Forever.
I'm just a girl whose hair is never right, who more then once has fallen on her
face, who can't stop laughing at something that happened yesterday, who
cries because sometimes nothing is right but sometimes
I'm just a girl who can't stop smiling because for that moment everything is perfect.
I'm going to start a fire, you're gonna feel
the heat, I'm gonna burn for you, you're gonna melt for me.
She keeps her secrets, tries to hide her past;
because everything lately has gone way too fast.
Your scared to say something that comes from the heart, meanwhile I don't think
before I speak, you look before you fall meanwhile I'm to busy looking
at the beautiful colors in the sky not even noticing I'm falling. You don't
want to break any rules, scared of the consequence meanwhile
I'm going till someone catches me. There's a million
of you and only one of me, weird, tacky and unique
in a completely different way then anyone else.
Here we go again with your mixed signals and my second thoughts.